Snow=Warmer Winters

Yeah, you read that right.

For some reason, whenever it isn't snowing and it's effing cold outside, it seems a lot (A LOT) colder than when it's snowing.

I have several theories to why this is:
1-Perhaps it is because I am so intrigued by the white shit coming from the sky that I can no longer focus on the actual reason it's coming; it's cold.
2-The cold no longer can dampen my spirit because snow means winter and winter means my birthday AND Christmas, which is pretty much awesome in every which way.
3-At one point, it can get TOO cold to snow, apparently, so maybe it's because I've found my happy medium weather-wise and have nothing to complain about.
4-I am so sick of the cold weather that now I have something to be happy about while it's cold, therefore making it less frightening and sadnessmaking.

Whatever the reason, when I stepped outside this morning to go to school, I was prepared for an icy blast of cold air. Not so; I recieved a mildly cool albiet wet breeze as I was walking to the car. Whoa.

Mindscrew.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

I feel a little bad about this...

Agent [Nathanael] is ready to assist you.
Nathanael: Hello
Me: Okay, hi, [Nathanael].
Nathanael: How are you today?
Me: Em, okay.
Me: Been better.
Nathanael: Good, glad to hear it.
Nathanael: Sorry thingks aren't going super well, though.
Me: It's not bad. Like, I totally don't have a maggot hole in my belly or anything.
Me: That would be bad.
Me: Time nine
Me: or ten.
Me: Depending on if you like bugs or not.
Nathanael: True.
Me: Anyway, on to the epic question!
Me: It's not really epic, I've just been wondering this for a long time...
Me: Does God love everyone?
Me: Like, everyone everyone? Or does He love some people more than others?
Nathanael: Yes, He does. BUt don't confuse that to mean that God's love robs His justice, which it doesn't.
Me: Well, like, if I went and killed someone RIGHT NOW, God would still love me as much as he does right now?
Nathanael: God would still love you. IF you were to go and kill someone right now you wouldn't be able to live in God's kingdom, but that doesn't mean that God doesn't love you. He does, but because He is perfectly just you would not be able to live with God if you murdered somone.
Nathanael: someone*
Me: Well, doesn't God control the world and stuff? So technically, He would've made me kill someone? So it's that a little unfair...to punish me for something He told me to do?
Nathanael: Actually, we don't believe God controls our actions. You do.
Nathanael: Meaning you control your own actions. haha.
Me: Ah. I see. So...what if someone ate a puppy or something? Then what? Because that's still murder.
Nathanael: Well, God put all the beasts and living things on the earth for the use of man, and He has commandments concerning that usage in many cases.
Nathanael: If you are killing the dog just for the sake of killing the dog, that's not a good idea. However, if you need food and you kill the dog to eat, then God is fine with it.
Me: So you can't eat a puppy? Would you get struck down by holy lightning for the mere thought of it?
Me: Well, if you can kill a dog to eat a dog, what if you killed a man for the sake fo becoming a cannibal?
Nathanael: Well, I would answer that, except if I did, then I would be struck down for thinking about it. :)
Me: I see what you did there,
Me: NO. but seriously?

Nathanael: hahaha. The problem with your analogy is that humans weren't put on the earth for hte use of man, but animals were.
Me: If I woke up one day and I was like 'Hey, I want to be a cannibal' I couldn't kill a man?
Nathanael: No, you couldn't.
Me: Drat.
Me: What about becoming a vampire?
Me: I mean, technically, you wouldn't be using a human. You'd just be leeching their blood.
Nathanael: Hahahaha. Nice. I like your creativity. :)
Me: No, man, like, I'm serious.
Me: And technically, people DO use other people, obviously against God's wishes. Must I remind you of the slavery?
Me: Or sex?
Nathanael: And both are not condoned by God.
Me: Slavery isn't condoned by God!?!?!?
Me: That's shit!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

My belly button is quite itchy.

True story, bro.

That is all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

For your Viewing Pleasure...

Here is a randomly googled picture of Tobin Bell:

And...aw, what the hell? Here's Morgan Freeman(!):

And Edi Gathegi. Because he's awesome. And his scarf is sexy:

Wheeeeee! *God, I'm creepy....... :( *

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If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

Surreal art: the mindscrew of the artist world.

I mean--shit man, really? We're doing *research* projects on surrealist artists and artwork and I have one thing to say about it:

MIND. SCREW.

It was a terrifying experience to say the least, having to look up dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens and dozens AND DOZENS AND DOZENS AND DOZENS AND DOZENS AND DOZENS AND DOZENS AND DOZENS AND DOZENS AND-

*shot with granddaddy of all tranquilizer darts*

...

A lot of surreal pictures. And let me tell you, surreal is not nearly as calm and happy as it sounds, especially when it comes to the art form of it. Salvador Dali himself was a big enough mindscrew; did he really have to push the envelope by making ART about strangeness?

Whew. I had fun playing with the the fonts and colors in this one. *smileface*

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If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

You're curious, aren't you?

Saw Easy A about three days ago. It took about three months of waiting, a twenty minute car ride and a crazy expensive (not really, but I didn't like paying for it) movie ticket, but I SAW IT! *God, I’m creepy…*

It was a good movie and was the most exciting thing of my week. Also, we got about three flakes of snow on Friday. So that was cool too…pun unintended.

It had Thomas Haden Church in it. Pretty much blew my mind.
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If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

Look at last night's post. Now back to this post.

Add Thomas Haden Church to that list of pretty middle-aged guys. I'm not even kidding. That guy's attractive for 50.
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If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

Clay Aiken has the ultimate sexy voice.

For. Cereal.

Anyway, Karen said that i have to post on my blog. So I'm posting on my blog. Callooh, callay, O frabjous day!

Ahem.

On another note. I'm pretty sure I friended my middle-school stalker on facebook yesterday. It's exceedingly awkward to see him commenting on everything I post.

Rhys Ifans, I would just like to say, is exceedingly sexy for a 43 year old man. He has been added to my list of sexy elderly men, which are as following:

1. Morgan Freeman (age 73, oldpants)
2. Tobin Bell (age 68)
3. Anthony Hopkins (age 72)
4. Jack Nicholson (age 73, at least when he was younger...now I'm not so sure, but whatever...)
5. Edi Gathegi (age 31)

No, but really? I didn't even know that Rhys was a real name. I know need to have another child when I'm older and name him such...or not. If I ever had a kid, I'd like his name to be Tobin Rhys *insert last name* because Tobin Bell kicks ass and how many Rhys have you met? I mean, really?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.

Hally Happoween!

Scratch that. Reverse it.

Happy Halloween, all! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

Horses are Impossible!

Last Saturday, my friend Emma took me, Patti and another girl to a farm to help out with some horses, llamas, goats, chickens, ducks, horses, dogs, and two potbelly pigs. After that was all done, the owners of the farm allowed us to ride one of the kinder horses.

Kinder my FOOT.

In the beginning, we thought it was just the fact that we were in a tiny pen and not in an open space for the horse to start to move. She stubbornly stood by the gate to the circular pen, staring remorsefully out the bars. One of us had to brave entering the pen, dismounting our perches on top of the ten-foot-high fence to take the halter of the horse and lead it swiftly around the pen once or twice to get her going.

The first girl was incorrigible about riding the horse, which annoyed me to no end. As Patti, Emma and I watched wistfully from the top of the fence, she insisted on taking a ridiculously long amount of time getting the horse going; a good forty-five minutes. When she finally dismounted, looking pouty and upset, Emma took her turn. At that point, we decided that it would be best to attempt to release the horse in the open pasture to see if she would speed up, Emma atop her. After all, if she ran wild, we’d be able to hear Emma’s screams anywhere on the farm.

The horse was better outside, where she could run around. The problem was that she indeed ran around—where she wanted. This horse was massive and extremely difficult to control, giving the fact that the reins were not actually attached to a bit in her mouth but simply a halter around her face. Therefore, attempting to turn her sharply was like trying to make a dog mush with his lead.

When Emma had had her fill of horse, it was my turn. Finally my turn. After finally clamoring unceremoniously and maladroitly onto the horse’s back, I clicked my tongue and kicked her sides for a very long time. Finally, after tiny leetle Patti took the halter and gave her a push, the horse was off at a terrifyingly swift trot. She looped around the house…and stopped. I steered her around with difficulty, clicked my tongue and kicked a lot (it was the professional, horse-related version of a temper-tantrum) and she went back to her frightening fast speed, followed ludicrously by three much smaller, pink children. When we reached the pen, she stopped again.

I feel now I should note that this horse was very large (much larger than me) and there was a lack of bit in her mouth. In most cases with horses, when you gently tug the reins in the direction you wish the horse to go, it was willingly and excitingly comply, hoping to be rewarded by a treat of sorts. This horse, as impossible as she was, refused to move upon tiny commands; I was required to dramatically throw all my meager weight into the reins, nearly dethroning me from the saddle, in order to move her in the various directions I wished. Often, this did not work.

Indeed, this horse seemed to require an alarming amount of commands to merely turn around. I tried clicking my tongue while throwing my force into the reins, which got her head and most of her body to turn vaguely in the correct direction. Often, her massive head would move and nothing else, and then she would return to her previous position, staring out into lawn, wishing to eat the grass she was being stubbornly denied.

I’ll finish this when I get home from getting the necessary materials for my badass Halloween costume.
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Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

Hi, Olivia.

I luh u.

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Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

My mother is a pain.

Seriously. She's a pain sometimes. Worse than any stupid girl in my school, worse than my sister who has a habit of blowing up at me when she does something wrong, worse than all the stupid people in the world combined. Because she's an idiot. She pisses me off sometimes so much that I want to throw things at her.

Why?

Because she's stupid. That's why. She annoys the shit out of me sometimes. She'll tell me to do something, I do it, and then she shrieks at me like I just invaded China. What the hell, Mom, seriously. What the hell?

I don't hate her. I don't think she should go die. She's just an idiot who always has to be right and when she's not, she takes it out on her kids because she's too much of a child to cope with anything correctly. She's a child. That's all she is. It annoys me to death.

She also judges everything. Not that it's bad to judge something when you've told you children than you mustn't ever judge or anything *sarcasm*. She judges me, my friends, my writing and everything I do. And she isn't nice about telling me about stuff I do that she dislikes. She's a bitch, always telling me what I need to do and what I can't do anymore. I don't give a flying fuck about what she wants me to do in life.

She pisses me off. That is all.
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Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

Painting Skills. I has them.

Pfffffft---

Not really. But we're painting in art class. I'm pretty good at, like, drawing abstract things because...well, really, no one's BAD at drawing abstract things. If you are, you have failed epically at life and I can no longer be friends with you. *shun*

Where was I going with that? Oh yeah. Art class--painting abstract things. Well, we're painting Op Art, which is the kind of art that is a major mindscrew. Sometimes when I look at it, I think I'm high on...air? Computer screen-tainted air! But anyway, I'm good at it. I'm pretty good at designing it. Fairly. I'll upload a picture of the picture I painted just as soon as it comes back to me. And I must say it looks...like a xylophone gone HORRIBLY wrong. But maybe that's how I want it. Or not. I'm not sure. I just doodled it and my art teacher was like 'Oooh, I like that!'

So poof. I made the f*cked up xylophone-doodle my art project. That's cool, thought, because it's simple and easy to do and...and yeah. The only problem is this:

SOMEONE HERE CAN'T PAINT WORTH SHIT!

How do we remedy this? By using a REEEEAALLLLY little paintbrush and a really little amoun of paint and taking a lot of time to do it. Even though I'm *done* while some people have only just started...Shut up, I gave it a shot!

In other news. I cannot really draw people. This is truly the extent of my power down here. His name is Wonka. That is all.

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Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

VeggieTunes are good for the soul.

On the day that I turned eight I got my lips caught in a gate. My friends all laughed. And I just stood there until the fire department came and broke the lock with a crowbar and I had to spend the next six weeks in lip rehab with this kid named Oscar who got stung by a bee, right on the lips, and we couldn't even talk to each other until the fifth week because our lips were so swollen, and when he did start speaking he just spoke Polish and I only know like threewords in Polish except now I knew four because Oscar taught me the Polish word for lip. Woosta!

Your friends all laughed...Woosta. How do you spell that?

I don't know.

Shut up. Don't even doubt the healing powers of VeggieTunes.
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Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

Ugh.

And this isn't a rant. I guess it's not. Is it? I have no idea. That was kind of a rant. Sort of? Yes.

Ahem....

I don't remember what I was going to talk about.
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Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

Novel Rant-------GO!

[rant]
I realized the other day that I have a bad habit of killing off characters that I base off my friends. Well, I didn't just realize it. It's been a slow-moving epiphany that had been building up over time in the back of my mind and likes to crop up whenever I'm writing my book.

I didn't realize it because I have a bad habit of killing of characters anyway. Like, if I can't get anywhere with my novel, I'll kill someone, and that usually gets the juices flowing again. The only problem with that is that it's usually a character that I'll need to use at a later date...so I have to reevaluate where my novel is going.

It's a stressful process.

Not as stressful as creating characters. I have an issue with making all my characters alike. I'm just fine with making very diverse characters--personality-wise, visually, mentally and verbally--but I have a problem with myself and the book if I get a handful of characters that are too much alike. And then I get to the point where I don't want to make too many characters (too late for that whoops) and then things get very confusing, even for me. I balance this by killing off characters.

Wow. A vicious cycle.

Think about it for a second. The book is about werewolves. There aren't enough of them left for them to just sit around sipping tea and chatting; that's why they mate early and have pups as soon as possible. They have a genetic incentive to find their mate and breed as soon as possible. Their lifespans don't give much room for other things. They're not like fruit flies, who are born and die the same day, but they probably won't live to 110. More like 60, if they're really good. Most wolves--true, feral ones--die before they hit their thirties; they just fight too much.

And of course they want their line to continue. You know...have male or female pups to keep your name and your blood alive; also a genetic incentive.

And then there's the whole human/werewolf problem. At first I didn't want to let it happen; you'd have little mutated babies with seven tongues and extra limbs and the likes. But then I decided that lycanthropes just have a diffrent gene pool than humans do. It's like saying a black guy and an Asian woman couldn't have children. Similar genetic but still from diffrent areas with diffrent genetic codes. That was a big thing for me.

Then again, when a pup is born out of one of two parents and is lycanthropic, they're a mutt, and they're frowned upon the werewolf comminuty. They aren't clean, because humans have hunted them for hundreds of years and made up terrible tales about them and cut off their heads. Of course, werewolves have been preying upon humans and telling myths about them and eating them for hundreds of years too, so the whole 'Humans are slaughterers' isn't really a fair idea. But if you've never been around humans, or are raised hating them, a lycanthrope just hates them for a rule.

And then there's the big problem that ties this post in a circle about pups being bred. There are purebred pups, like an African male with an African female to create an African pup, and then there are the mixed breeds, which are less common, like an African male and a Portlander female having a...Africander pup. What in the...? I don't even know. But yeah, pure breads are pretty common, mostly because your pack is who you'll be spending your time with.

I don't know where that was going...
[/rant for now]
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Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

This was a triumph. I'm making a note here--huge success.

Disregaurd that title, please.

It's been a long time. I'm sure all four of you who read this blog have been waiting with baited breath. Or not.

I'm not going to continue my rant about Eddie. I decided I was not in an Edward Cullen mood. He just...downs me. Makes me sad.

Instead, I'm going to talk about something we were talking about in a youth group last night. It's about God. If you don't care for God, shoo. Because this is about his feminine creation--women. I'm actually putting something deep on this blog; I hope you four people reading this will walk away thinking about it.

[rant]

We were talking about how women have a natural craving for relationships; contact with another human, usually a masculine one, and how our lives revolve around find a special someone and settling down and living with them for their life and being all happy and stuff like that. Curiously enough, I do not yet have this craving.

I don't mean to be argumentative. I just don't feel like everything I do should revolve around having a husband/boyfriend. That's not important to me, or at least it isn't the most important thing in my life right now. Would I like a boyfriend? Yes, that would be nice. But I don't. But I'm not obsessing over it. It's been months since my last boyfriend (last of a long line of two whole boys) and I'm just fine. I'm not concerned about finding a husband or my soulmate, especially not in friggin high school. That's not important in high school. It shouldn't be for anyone. Maybe not even in college.

Am I condemning girls whose lives revolve around their boyfriends? Of course not. But I am upset over the alarming way most females tend to obsess over everything their boyfriend does and they end up ostracised by friends and family because of how obsessive they are. I can't stand it when the inital sentance in a conversation is 'Guess what *insert boyfriend's name here* and I did ALLLLLLLLL day??'

You hung out. Hurp de derp. And truthfully? I don't give half a shit about what you and your boyfriend did ALLLLLLLLL day. Maybe if I ask you about it, it's free game, but don't come up to me a bellow about how much you love him, because chances are you don't and he doesn't love you.

God, I sound like I'm angry at heterosexual girls.

*deep breath*

I'm not. I just don't like listening to people getting emotional about a guy who they probably won't even remember in three years. Which beings me for a distaste of people wanting a boyfriend. Hell, I want a boyfriend. I do not want a player who likes to slap girls' behinds in the hallways to show off to their friends who don't even like them. And that is the majority of guys in the high school, especially in my grade. I demand respect from guys, which might be why I'm so unpopular. Whatever.

[/rant]

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Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

To the Bandwagon! Away!!

Well, it's been a while since I've ranted. I know. You love them, don't you? My rants, I mean. I do at least. Well, it hasn't really been a long time. But screw it; I'M RANTIN'!

What am I ranting about? Edward. Cullen. :) *deep breath*

[rant]
For one, I would like to say that Edward Cullen is not NEARLY as bad as his whinning female counterpart, who is a horrifying train-wreck of a character. I would also like to alert everyone who reads this that I'm not a hater of Edward Cullen. Granted, I do not like Edward Cullen, but as far as characters go, he is not the most terrible creature I have ever seen (that would be Bella).

Okay. Let's get started, shall we? Starting with the first book. Edward sees Bella and, upon smelling her delciousness, makes a personal pact to never talk to her in hopes of never feeling bloodthirsty enough to want to eat her. That seems very responsible to me. I mean, if I went to a new school, the last time I would want is for some guy to welcome me by killing me dead and sucking out my delicious-smelling blood. As stubbornly antisocial as this smoking hot (as we are so often alerted), 118 year old vampire is, he is still the object of affection for several girls in his school. Well, that makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, a smoking hot guy is naturally popular among superficial high school girls, right?

Right.

Now, Edward tells Bella when they start hanging out that he's a dangerous guy and she should not spend time around him in worry for her life. Well, you know, if I was told that, I'd stay away from this guy. But no, Bella has to thrust herself onto him.

Our first inclination that Edward is a vampire is that he is cold. Have we forgotten that we're in Forks, Washington, where the sun rarely shines and therefore it is always cold. I don't know about you, but when it's cold outside, I get cold and therefore my body is chillingly cool. Does Bella not get cold when it's cold outside? Does she have some sort of superhuman strength to not get cold? Apperently so.

The next sign is that he's supah-fast and supa-strong. Right? He got between Bella and the van and stopped it, right (damn u, Edward! Daaaaamn u for stopping the van)? That's one of those...vampire things, right?

Sooooo...anyway, Edward likes Bella because she's:

1. Beautiful and
2. Her personality

I think in the transition between the book and the movie, we lost the...whole...personality thing. Because Bella is not personality-full in the movie. But I digress. So if she's as beautiful and personalityish as Edward makes her seem, she should think pretty highly of herself, because apperently she's intellegent as well. So why is she always beating down on herself? But since she does, Edward, being the good boyfriend he is, showers her with compliments.

Now. Edward comes to save Bella when she's stupid enough to walk into James' trap. He's a good boyfriend. He rips apart the guy who tries to kill her (damn u, Edward. Daaaaamn u for stopping the vampire), burns him and then sucks the damning poison out of his beloved's veins. Sounds like a good boyfriend to me. Right?

Second book. Edward puts Bella in danger, so therefore he feels compelled to avoid her. That makes sense to me. You know, if someone was going to kill my boyfriend in my family, I would want to keep the offender as far away from my BF as I can. That's what any sane person would do. So, of course, Edward leaves. He's desensitive to Bella so she won't love him anymore (ah-ha, Edward, sorry you failed at that. I'd be happy to get rid of her too) even when he still loves her so much that he's protecting ehr from a bloodthirsty vampire like he did back in the first book. So while Edward is gone, Bella spirals into a depression and eventually flings herself off a cliff...sadly, not to kill herself, but for the thrills so she can hear Edward's pretty voice in her head.

And therefore Edward tries to kill himself. I mean, he thought he'd killed his true love. I might shoot a couple of mickeys myself if I thought I killed my (nonexsitant) boyfriend. So him wanting to kill himself other than living his long, long life alone seems like a pretty good idea. And then, when Bella comes rushing back, he is eager to protect her.

[/rant] I'm bored now, so I might rant more later.
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Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

Jack? Jack Skelett? No, Jack Nicholson. REDRUM!!

If you didn't notice from the title, I'm looking at a Jack Nicholson page on wikipedia. For some reason I have issues writing his last name, so I'm going to avoid it as much as possible.

I haven't seen a lot of movies with him in it, although I know he's been in a lot (thank you, wikipedia, for this information). I've seen One Flew Over the Cockoo's Nest (well...part of it. A middlish part. I kind of want to see the whole thing. I really want to see the whole thing), The Shining (ahem...REDRUM REDRUM REDRUM REDRUM REDRUM REDRUM) and two or three minutes of the Batman movie where he's the Joker. I haven't seen much of his stuff. well, it's not his stuff, exactly. It's actually the producer's stuff. But he's in it. Which makes him special. Not that he wasn't special before.

Ahem.
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Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

So I'm having this sort of day...

I've been having a Disney marathon all day. I started with 101 Dalmatians, went on to Oliver in Company, then to Tarzan. At the moment, I'm watching Mulan (who has a widow's peak--thank you Miss McGill for teaching me about genetics). It's while the leader guy from the army is singing about all his soilders being weak and not able to be as all cool and badass as him.

Have you every noticed how the singers from Disney movies are much better singers than any of our social singers nowadays? (e.g.~BD Wong who plays Shang, the leader guy from the army is better than Justin Bieber by miles...or kilometers, depending on where you live).

By the way, I've noticed that every time I watch a Disney or Pixar movie, I noticed something new each time. For example, speaking of where you live, when I last watched Monsters, Inc, I was wondering how all the doors lined up so it was nighttime on the other side. I mean, right? It's not nighttime at the same time all around the world at once, right? Well, remember near the beginning, where we see a big map of the world before they start scaring? Well, yeah, that red line? That hilights where they're going to in the world. Never noticed that.

Oh! Also, there's one voice in every single Pixar movie created to date. It's the voice of John Ratzenberger. He's actually scary to look at. Like, he's pretty dern terrifying if you look at him. He's got crowsfeet. Not that wrinkles are scary. Ross had wrinkles for Jesus Christ Superstar this year, and Ross isn't scary. Well, not mostly.

Ahem.
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Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

Ahaha!

So I changed a lot of stuff on my blog. Not really. But I changed the background and the setup of the general blog. So I'm AWESOME. Hu-ZAH!

On another note. I deleted Jaxon Asylum because I'm the only one who seems to use it anymore, which is terrible annoying and frustrating. I only got, like, 10 people to enter onto it, so I guess that's kind of the reason...and half of the people are no long in touch with me, so I guess that's one of the reasons.

Something about proboards. If you like to write and if you like to interact with other people, it's a lot of fun. Serious. Bella, this is directed to you, if you're reading this...I guess. It's like writing a story with another person. I remember that Dana tried to do something like that once. She was doing it with Jessica. Jessica has red hair.

Speaking of which, have you ever noticed how there are like 3 redheaded people in the average classroom? Did you know that redheads aren't supposed to have souls? Only about 1/2% of the human population has red hair. Pheomelanin is what gives red hair its color. Some people call red hair ginger hair.

But that doesn't make any sense. Because ginger is actually a brownish yellow color, not at all orange, so the name is kind of a misnomer. Like, if I said my friend had ginger hair, I would be referring to their hair being a brownish-yellowish color, kind of like mine. Except everyone else would think I meant that my friend had a bright orange color for hair. Do you see the problem here?

I got my hair cut. It's really short now. Technically it's blonde--I was born with blonde hair. But I think if I got a passport or something, or if I had to fill out a job application, people would think that I had brown hair. Which, okay, my hair is pretty brown. I can't really look at it because it's so short, but whatever. I define myself as blonde. Even if society refuses me the title of blonde, I REMAIN BLONDE.

Did you know that some people spell blonde without the 'e'? I see it in books and it freaks me out because then I'm like 'Argh! I've been spelling it wrong all my life!' But then I can type blonde with an 'e' in a computer and spellcheck won't put that little red squiggle under it, so I win (spellcheck also accepts blond).

Then again, spellcheck can be changed so not-real words are real to that computer. Like, Bshir isn't a real word, but it's a name of my character, and I get really neurotic when I have too many of those red squiggles on a page, so I just made it a real word on our spellcheck. Oh, did you know that spellcheck on my computer isn't accepted by spellcheck? It's hypocritical! I think my brain just exploded. Spellcheck is denying itself, so where does that leave it? It leaves it in limo.

By the way, whenever someone says limo, I always think of the game with the pole that you have to duck under. I'm bad at that game. It's because I'm not very flexible. I can't bent back that far. I also can't do the splits. I see people do the splits all the time, and I'm like 'I can do that' but I really can't....

...we've gone from Jaxon Asylum to doing the splits...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

*bracing sigh*

I'm not sad anymore. At least not right now. It very refreshing.

Anyway. I have nothing to say this morning, but I thought everyone (ahemnoone) who reads this should know that I'm in an intensely good mood. I was in an amazing mood all week, even though I had no reason for it, and I didn't post for it. Nose!

Well, summer's coming up, so I might post more. Au vra!
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Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

I don't think anyone actually reads this anymore, but whatever.

I'm extremely lonely. My two best friends left me...and I don't know why. I'm kind of dreading summer. At least in the high-school, I won't have to see them as much. I guess that's a good thing.

Craig got a girlfriend. I don't know how I feel about this. It's intensely confusing. I don't see him anymore, so there's really no point about feeling like I deserve more than a friendship with him, and yet I feel like I wanted to go out with him, for a time. It'd be too awkward though. Way too awkward.

I don't know about Joseph. I saw him a couple times in St. Louis, and we talked, and we were comfortable, and we we hugged and I was very happy. He made me feel happy. Usually I would talk to Ariana about this, but I can't now, obviously, so it's just been pooling around in my brain for a while. It's been a confusing year. Eighth grade has defiantly not been my favorite.

Nothing else much has been happening lately. I don't know. I kind of feel like I'm fading away. I don't have a lot to lean on now; I'm kind of on my own. I don't mean to sound like I'm trying to cut myself off from people. I'm not. But it's been an unnervingly long year. It feels longer than usual. It's because so much has been happening.

I don't know. I'm very confused. It's not fun to look at them anymore. It always hurts me when I do.

*sigh*
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Once you showed me that life was worth living, But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

Things are better now.

It's been a really long time since I last posted. I remembered when I posted almost every day. I don't know...time's just getting away from me.

I've developed a lot as a writer, I think. I'm still trying to get a publisher, but it's hard to get my confidence back. Lately, it's kind of eroded. Joseph and I are friends again. It's still hard for me to talk with him like I did, but whatthehellever, I'm happy with him again.

On another note, Ashley now is acting as if I will never be her friend again. So lifes is pretty crappy right now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

Something's diffrent...

Wow. A lots changed since I last posted. Sadly, nothing's for the better. Well, one thing is. Or two. I don't know. I guess I'll list them because that's kind of why I decided to start posting again:

1. Joseph broke up with me. Over facebook. That bastard. He told me that it wasn't the same and that he was making out with another girl. Well, he never said that, but he implied it pretty heavily. So he broke up with me over facebook. He has no idea how much that hurt me. I cried for four and a half hours, and then I cut my arm open with a dull pocket knife. It took half an hour to get it to stop bleeding, and then I had to wear long-sleeve shirts for the rest of the week so no one saw the scar. I still have a patch of pink where I sawed my arm open over and over. I cried every day all week after he broke up with me, and then I cried some more this week. He won't even look at me. My 'friends' keep trying to make me feel better. They can't. I'm upset. He was my best friend. I really did love him. I know that sounds cliche and stupid, but I loved him. I've loved him since we were little, even if I didn't want to admit it. I loved him and he hurt me. He said he still wanted to be friends, but I don't think that can happen now. I don't think I can ever fully forgive him for leading me on. He did it for months. Months. Fuck... I cried at school. No one talked to me. Good. I don't want to me. My social studies teacher asked me what was wrong. I couldn't tell him. He wouldn't get it. I don't mean to sound like a stubborn teen when I say it. But he wouldn't get it. He wouldn't get all the crap I'm been going through right now. It would overload his brain. It's already overloaded mine.

2. My best friends, it seems, will never speak to me again. I've been crying because of her. She told me she never wanted to see me again. Over facebook. Ten minutes later, Joseph broke up with me over facebook. I don't hate the site; it's a good site. But neither of them had the balls to look at me and tell me they didn't like me. Is it that hard? Am I just so ugly that no one can stand to look at me? She's moved on. She's got better friends. She doesn't need me, the one who apparently is her 'best friend'. Fuck her. I hope she dies. I really do. She doesn't care about me. I need to stop caring about her. If I died, she'd dance on my grave. Her and Joseph should get together. They'd be a good bastard couple.

3. Dana's a whore. She's complaining about getting felt up by a boy she dated for a month. I dated Joseph for eight months and I didn't even kiss him.

4. My dad said we might move to England for two year. England. I don't want to go to England. If there's any chance of scraping a friendship anymore, I want to do it in my country. I want to be with my fair-weather friends, because they at least make me feel better about myself for now.

5. I'm hallucinating. I've been hallucinating for a long time, but I'm afraid to tell my parents. I don't want them to know. I told some people I trust and they don't want to be around me anymore. I don't know. Maybe there's something wrong with me. I should tell my school councilor. Not that she cares. But maybe she could get me some help. I like Quail, he's the only person who's really talking to me right now, but I want to get better.

6. I lie. All the time. I can't help it. I don't know why I do it. I'm really good at it, but it's not good that I do it. Maybe that's another problem I have.

I don't know. I'm lonely.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once you showed me that life was worth living,
But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.

Gomenasai

Fuck...

Sorry. I just remembered that fuck is a bad word. Anyway...

Joseph, I love you. I really want you to know that, but it might freak you out and we might never be friends again. Which would suck. I would probably cut myself if you broke up with me and we weren't friends. Or I would commit suicide.

Damn. I can't reply on him for everything. If I think he's my husband, I'm wrong. He probably doesn't even like me that much. That sort of thinking depresses me but makes me think about how little anyone cares about me.

Speaking of which, Ariana is mad at me again. I don't even know why. She gets mad at me for about a week and then she acts normal and like nothing happened. I don't know; that's about the only character flaw she has. That and she has no respect for how I feel. She acts like she hates me half the time, and it hurts. I hate her for it, but if she and I grow apart, I'll have nothing. That's how much I rely on her, and she doesn't even know. She doesn't care, if she does know.

That sort of thing really pisses me off. She doesn't care about how I feel. She probably never cared about how I feel. She doesn't care what I want of her, she just cares about what she wants me to do for her.

Which pisses me off to no end. I can't talk to her about it because she would tell me I'm being oversensitive and get even more mad at me, because she thinks I criticize her too much. So I'm stuck fuming on the website while she remains pissed at me for no reason. Fuck. I'm going to cry. She doesn't care about me. Why should she?

Angst.
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Once you showed me that life was worth living,
But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.