Weird Mood.

Damn. Please ignore that last post. It was a terrible depression for several days. No, but seriously? I still feel like crap. I haven't really been able to down anything except for ginger ale in the past few days. I ate a lot at lunch today (got like 7 sides) and as soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and puked it up. quite violently, might I add. I feel good when I eat something, and then it turned very, very painful.

I'm almost certainly losing my mind. I'm losing it and I feel it going...and no one really seems to grasp what a painfully awkward and frightening subject that is. Bella thinks its just weird, which actually hurts; it hurts like getting punched, because it's like she doesn't even care. I'm losing my friggen mind and all she can think about is how it's so 'not normal.'

But seriously, I'm pretty pissed off at her right now. She's probably reading this and thinking 'Oh God, what'd I do to make her so mad, I need to call her or talk to her on Sunday and make her tell me!!' No. If you call me, I will hang up. If you try to talk to me on Sunday, I will walk into the boy's bathroom or out of the church. Don't talk to me right now, Bella. I really don't have the patience to deal with it right now. My hallucinations listen to me better than you do, and I don't want to talk about my feelings to you like I did last time, because you made fun of me. And my hallucinations aren't even real.

Gah. Quail's singing to the song I'm listening to. He's tone deaf.

I wanna cry but I don't have any tears left. I cried a lot in school, and it was right after first period. Shit life...Went into the bathroom and cried a little bit, then went into a stall and cried some more. Then when I got into Algebra, I had to lie to everyone and tell them I had really strong allergies so they'd leave me alone. God, I felt so terrible today. I can't even breath through my nose, it's so stuffed up. I don't feel well. I just don't feel well.

Quail disappeared for about two weeks, for anyone who cared. Apperently he was at the bowling alley, laughing at people who missed the pins and pulling obsene faces at some questionable looking teenagers. I wish I could've been there. Its better than being at school...Anything is better than being at school at the moment. I used to not mind going to school, but now is terrible. I thought about skipping class so I could cry in the bathrooms. But that's not a very good idea.

I am very tired. I swear, school's getting longer. And I have an Algerbra quiz tomorrow. But I was transfered from Pre-Al to Al just today, so I'm going to fail because that bitch Poisel won't give me a goddamn book and I can't udnerstand anything she utters. Damn. So I'm going to fail.

I honestly miss Joseph and Scott. I love them both. But I can hug Joe without feeling awkward, because... I think we're still dating. But I don't know if we every started.

Damn...

Damn. Double damn! I haven't posted at all lately. I recall posting almost twice a day a few summers ago. Damn...

Maybe I'm going insane. I don't know. But I feel like it. Maybe it's because everything feels like torture, ever since I got home from Tennessee in the middle of summer this year. I have no idea why, but it's killing me. Everything I do seems to depress me. Like, I can't laugh truly with my friend anymore. It makes me hurt on the inside, like I'm really really hungry and haven't eaten in a while. I can't hug Bella like I used to, because that makes my chest burn, like having heartburn or something that oldpants get when they become olderpants. My chest burns a lot lately. Even when I'm talking with Alyss, it makes my chest burn like it's on fire, and I can't breathe very well, and...and it makes me very sad. Last year we talked really well and easily and now I'm struggling to find what she'll like me saying and what will upset her...And well never mind.

And I'm always hungry. But when I eat, I feel very sick for a very long time, and when the sick feeling goes away, the hunger comes back, and when I finally give into it and eat, I feel pukey sick again.

My head is constantly in pain; it's not just pounding, it's full on scorching migrains that make me want to stab a pencil through my eye just to get me to think about something else. Physical agony is the only way I can distract myself from the painful, sick, burning feeling that I get on and off. It's torture. Mentally straining my own sanity seems to help too. I'm too sadistic to talk to people about my upsetness. They would tell me to see a shrink, to talk to someone but not them, because they don't have time for my stupid problems, they have enough to worry about with their damn lives.

Then again...I know Alyss and Kirame would listen. They'd listen, and even if I told them that I was a brain sucking alien from some distance galaxy and didn't have a belly button, they'd listen. Because they're like that. It was a rare and lucky find for me to discover them. I was lucky. They're probably the only ones who hold me from going round the bend. Probably the only reason I haven't stabbed myself in the leg with a pair of Crayola scissors just to see how much I'll bleed.

I'm afraid of that pain, though. I'll suffer physical and mental agony just as long as my skin isn't broken and I don't see all that blood.

Gah. I'm revolted by my own whining. No one should give a fuck about how I feel just as long as their happy. Damn, I hope Alyss doesn't read this and get all depressed. That would depress me to no end.

Sorry to bore you all with my jabbering. My bad.

Picking up the slack...

Sorry that I havent blogged much lately. I really try to, I just don't get around to getting it done...I'll have more to blog about when school starts, I promise. My friends are just too weird to not have anything to blog about. And I'll see what I can do about...other stuff... Sorry again, rabid readers. If I had a subject to blog about I would. Promise.

Ack, melting!

I have no idea. Seriously, no idea.

Alyss. Have to call Aylss today. Last day of summer. Big fucking whoop...

I'm glad you're all here.

I don't have any friends, so I'm glad you're reading this...because i have no one to talk to.

Summer Sadnessness....ness.

As the last days of summer come winding down to an end, I realized that there was one thing that I never got around to doing this summer: MY SUMMER AP ENGLISH HOMEWORK...





OMS.

Lycanthrope Topic: Jasper Vampyren's powers.

Jasper is initially introduced in Lycanthrope in chapter 9, along with Molly. He is described as a tall teenager (roughly 15/16) who 'wore a hat atop his silver head, and there was a rip in the brim, which let a large, black eyes stare through at her. He wore a straitjacket that bound his arms to his shoulders with a black cross over his chest. The jackets possessed a multitude of flaps, clasps and other such items to keep his arms in place. He wore all white except for his knee-high boots. His navel was wrapped in thick gauze and was stained with blood that was still red, but dry. His silvery hair flopped over his right eye, and his left eye was a pale red color.'

The reason for the belts and straight jacket are never revealed.

Jasper's powers are wildly ranged and unpredictable. He is initially shown with the powers to turn invisible, telepathy, telekinesis and the ability to read minds. As the books progress, he reveals the power to shut down the brains of up to a dozen people within a mile's radius and, once, the albility to stop time for a short while.

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm kay

Uh, hai.


Please don't be mad at me. I know I've not been blogging much. Sorry. That's my bad. But still. It's no good.