1. Joseph broke up with me. Over facebook. That bastard. He told me that it wasn't the same and that he was making out with another girl. Well, he never said that, but he implied it pretty heavily. So he broke up with me over facebook. He has no idea how much that hurt me. I cried for four and a half hours, and then I cut my arm open with a dull pocket knife. It took half an hour to get it to stop bleeding, and then I had to wear long-sleeve shirts for the rest of the week so no one saw the scar. I still have a patch of pink where I sawed my arm open over and over. I cried every day all week after he broke up with me, and then I cried some more this week. He won't even look at me. My 'friends' keep trying to make me feel better. They can't. I'm upset. He was my best friend. I really did love him. I know that sounds cliche and stupid, but I loved him. I've loved him since we were little, even if I didn't want to admit it. I loved him and he hurt me. He said he still wanted to be friends, but I don't think that can happen now. I don't think I can ever fully forgive him for leading me on. He did it for months. Months. Fuck... I cried at school. No one talked to me. Good. I don't want to me. My social studies teacher asked me what was wrong. I couldn't tell him. He wouldn't get it. I don't mean to sound like a stubborn teen when I say it. But he wouldn't get it. He wouldn't get all the crap I'm been going through right now. It would overload his brain. It's already overloaded mine.
2. My best friends, it seems, will never speak to me again. I've been crying because of her. She told me she never wanted to see me again. Over facebook. Ten minutes later, Joseph broke up with me over facebook. I don't hate the site; it's a good site. But neither of them had the balls to look at me and tell me they didn't like me. Is it that hard? Am I just so ugly that no one can stand to look at me? She's moved on. She's got better friends. She doesn't need me, the one who apparently is her 'best friend'. Fuck her. I hope she dies. I really do. She doesn't care about me. I need to stop caring about her. If I died, she'd dance on my grave. Her and Joseph should get together. They'd be a good bastard couple.
3. Dana's a whore. She's complaining about getting felt up by a boy she dated for a month. I dated Joseph for eight months and I didn't even kiss him.
4. My dad said we might move to England for two year. England. I don't want to go to England. If there's any chance of scraping a friendship anymore, I want to do it in my country. I want to be with my fair-weather friends, because they at least make me feel better about myself for now.
5. I'm hallucinating. I've been hallucinating for a long time, but I'm afraid to tell my parents. I don't want them to know. I told some people I trust and they don't want to be around me anymore. I don't know. Maybe there's something wrong with me. I should tell my school councilor. Not that she cares. But maybe she could get me some help. I like Quail, he's the only person who's really talking to me right now, but I want to get better.
6. I lie. All the time. I can't help it. I don't know why I do it. I'm really good at it, but it's not good that I do it. Maybe that's another problem I have.
I don't know. I'm lonely.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once you showed me that life was worth living,
But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.
But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.
