To the Bandwagon! Away!!

Well, it's been a while since I've ranted. I know. You love them, don't you? My rants, I mean. I do at least. Well, it hasn't really been a long time. But screw it; I'M RANTIN'!

What am I ranting about? Edward. Cullen. :) *deep breath*

[rant]
For one, I would like to say that Edward Cullen is not NEARLY as bad as his whinning female counterpart, who is a horrifying train-wreck of a character. I would also like to alert everyone who reads this that I'm not a hater of Edward Cullen. Granted, I do not like Edward Cullen, but as far as characters go, he is not the most terrible creature I have ever seen (that would be Bella).

Okay. Let's get started, shall we? Starting with the first book. Edward sees Bella and, upon smelling her delciousness, makes a personal pact to never talk to her in hopes of never feeling bloodthirsty enough to want to eat her. That seems very responsible to me. I mean, if I went to a new school, the last time I would want is for some guy to welcome me by killing me dead and sucking out my delicious-smelling blood. As stubbornly antisocial as this smoking hot (as we are so often alerted), 118 year old vampire is, he is still the object of affection for several girls in his school. Well, that makes sense, doesn't it? I mean, a smoking hot guy is naturally popular among superficial high school girls, right?

Right.

Now, Edward tells Bella when they start hanging out that he's a dangerous guy and she should not spend time around him in worry for her life. Well, you know, if I was told that, I'd stay away from this guy. But no, Bella has to thrust herself onto him.

Our first inclination that Edward is a vampire is that he is cold. Have we forgotten that we're in Forks, Washington, where the sun rarely shines and therefore it is always cold. I don't know about you, but when it's cold outside, I get cold and therefore my body is chillingly cool. Does Bella not get cold when it's cold outside? Does she have some sort of superhuman strength to not get cold? Apperently so.

The next sign is that he's supah-fast and supa-strong. Right? He got between Bella and the van and stopped it, right (damn u, Edward! Daaaaamn u for stopping the van)? That's one of those...vampire things, right?

Sooooo...anyway, Edward likes Bella because she's:

1. Beautiful and
2. Her personality

I think in the transition between the book and the movie, we lost the...whole...personality thing. Because Bella is not personality-full in the movie. But I digress. So if she's as beautiful and personalityish as Edward makes her seem, she should think pretty highly of herself, because apperently she's intellegent as well. So why is she always beating down on herself? But since she does, Edward, being the good boyfriend he is, showers her with compliments.

Now. Edward comes to save Bella when she's stupid enough to walk into James' trap. He's a good boyfriend. He rips apart the guy who tries to kill her (damn u, Edward. Daaaaamn u for stopping the vampire), burns him and then sucks the damning poison out of his beloved's veins. Sounds like a good boyfriend to me. Right?

Second book. Edward puts Bella in danger, so therefore he feels compelled to avoid her. That makes sense to me. You know, if someone was going to kill my boyfriend in my family, I would want to keep the offender as far away from my BF as I can. That's what any sane person would do. So, of course, Edward leaves. He's desensitive to Bella so she won't love him anymore (ah-ha, Edward, sorry you failed at that. I'd be happy to get rid of her too) even when he still loves her so much that he's protecting ehr from a bloodthirsty vampire like he did back in the first book. So while Edward is gone, Bella spirals into a depression and eventually flings herself off a cliff...sadly, not to kill herself, but for the thrills so she can hear Edward's pretty voice in her head.

And therefore Edward tries to kill himself. I mean, he thought he'd killed his true love. I might shoot a couple of mickeys myself if I thought I killed my (nonexsitant) boyfriend. So him wanting to kill himself other than living his long, long life alone seems like a pretty good idea. And then, when Bella comes rushing back, he is eager to protect her.

[/rant] I'm bored now, so I might rant more later.
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Once you showed me that life was worth living,But you never showed me that you’re worth forgiving.